Help For Domestic Violence: Resources For Women And Teens #Octoberawareness #domesticviolence

Do you know someone that is in an abusive relationship right now, or is that person You!  Here are some resources that can help. Please report abuse, who else will speak up for her?

Domestic Violence Resources For Women: 

National Domestic Violence Hotline:Toll Free: (800) 799-SAFE (7233)
Toll Free: (800) 787-3224 (TTY)
www.thehotline.org

National Network to End Domestic ViolencePhone: (202) 543-5566
www.nnedv.org

American Psychiatric Association (APA)Toll Free: (888) 35-PSYCH (77924)
Phone: (703) 907-7300
www.healthyminds.org

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
Phone: (303) 839-1852
Phone: (202) 745-1211 ext. 143
www.ncadv.org

The National Center for Victims of CrimePhone: (202) 467-8700
www.ncvc.org

Futures without Violence
Phone: (415) 678-5500
www.futureswithoutviolence.org

National Resource Center on Domestic Violence
Toll Free: (800) 537-2238
www.nrcdv.org

The Battered Women’s Justice Project
Toll Free: (800) 903-0111 ext. 1
Phone: (612) 824-8768
www.bwjp.org

National Battered Women’s Law Project 
Phone: (212) 741-9480

WomensHealth.govToll Free: (800) 994-9662
www.womenshealth.gov

National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental HealthPhone: (312) 726-7020
www.nationalcenterdvtraumamh.org

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline
Toll Free: (866) 331-9474
www.loveisrespect.org

Safe Place
Phone: (512) 267-SAFE (7233)
www.safeplace.org

Break the CyclePhone: (310) 286-3383
www.breakthecycle.org

Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN)Toll Free: (800) 656-HOPE (4673)
www.rainn.org

Health Resource Center on Domestic Violence
Toll Free: (800) 313-1310
www.futureswithoutviolence.org/content/features/detail/790/

A Women’s Guide to Alcohol and Drug Rehabilitation
Toll Free: (800) 993-3869
www.recoveryconnection.org/alcohol-drug-rehab-for-women

Teen Domestic Violence Resources 

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline
Toll Free: (866) 331-9474
www.loveisrespect.org

Break the Cycle
Toll Free: (888) 988-TEEN
www.breakthecycle.org

Love is Not Abusewww.loveisnotabuse.com

Teen Outreach ProgramToll Free: (800) 300-1080
www.teenrelationships.org

Maryland’s Peoples Law Library
www.peoples-law.org 

Safe YouthToll Free: (866) 723-3968

KidsHealthwww.kidshealth.org 

SeeItAndStopIt.Orgwww.seeitandstopit.org

WomensLaw.Orgwww.womenslaw.org

Another page with some great resources : Here 

Warning Signs if you think you or a loved one is in an unhealthy relationship 

Please, Please seek help before you are just a statistic on a page or another name on a toe tag, don't fool yourself thinking it will end or he will stop................he will not! Call today and get some help, even presenting to a local Emergency room and telling the nurse you are being abused will start the process to get you the help you need. Call 911 if you are in danger now, keep yourself and your children safe, you deserve better, it is NOT your fault!!

Strike~Dance~Rise! Today 2/14/13 #1billionrising

It is time to put an end to violence against women, rise up today and do something about it! No woman asks to be raped, beaten, cut, or sold for money to the highest bidder. No woman deserves to be beaten by the man who is supposed to be her partner til death do they part. No woman should live in fear daily that her daughter might be raped by her spouse. Woman are sacred and deserve to be treated as such! God created woman to be man's helper here on earth not his doormat!

One in three women on the planet is raped or beaten in her lifetime. That is ONE BILLION WOMEN violated. One billion daughters, mothers, grandmothers, sisters, lovers and friends. On 14th February 2013, V-Day's 15th Anniversary, we are inviting ONE BILLION women and those who love them to WALK OUT, DANCE, RISE UP, and DEMAND an end to this violence. ONE BILLION RISING will move the earth, activating women and men to dance across every country. V-Day wants the world to see our collective strength, our numbers and our solidarity across borders. Join V-Day and ONE BILLION RISING today and SAY NO to violence against women and girls. To sign up and learn more, visit www.onebillionrising.org

 

About V-Day V-Day is a global activist movement to end violence against women and girls that raises funds and awareness through benefit productions of Playwright/Founder Eve Ensler's award winning play The Vagina Monologues and other artistic works. In 2012, over 5,800 V-Day benefit events took place produced by volunteer activists in the U.S. and around the world, educating millions of people about the reality of violence against women and girls. To date, the V-Day movement has raised over $90 million and educated millions about the issue of violence against women and the efforts to end it, crafted international educational, media and PSA campaigns, reopened shelters, and funded over 14,000 community-based anti-violence programs and safe houses in Democratic Republic of Congo, Haiti, Kenya, South Dakota, Egypt and Iraq. Over 300 million people have seen a V-Day benefit event in their community. V-Day has received numerous acknowledgements including Worth Magazine's 100 Best Charities, Marie Claire Magazine's Top Ten Charities, one of the Top-Rated organizations on Philanthropedia/Guidestar and Great Nonprofits. V-Day's newest campaign is ONE BILLION RISING which will culminate on 021413 with a global action worldwide. www.vday.org

V-Day brings the issue of violence against women and girls front and center in the culture and the community. In order to understand the grave importance of this cause, one must know that violence is an issue that plagues all women and men in every part of the world. To better show the depth and scope of violence against women, V-Day has compiled a list of statistics and resources that evidence the impact that violence against women has on the individual, and the community. One of V-Day’s purposes is to amplify the work of existing groups, thus, since V-Day does not provide direct services, the resources listed here are from exceptional groups working to end violence against women locally, nationally and internationally. We hope that the knowledge that violence against women and girls is a common issue for all people will inspire you to join V-Day in our mission to end the violence and change the story of women.

Violence Against Women Statitics

• RAPE
• INCEST
• BATTERY
• FGM
• SEX SLAVERY/TRAFFICKING

This comprehensive guide features a range of listings including emergency hotlines, national organizations against domestic violence, publications divided by topic, links to VAW websites and many other helpful resources

Make a difference, educate yourself to the violence that is in our world today, teach your daughters, help others to be aware. Is it OK if I rise alone on Feb 14th?  Yes, whether you are alone, with a friend or with hundreds of thousands more, you're making a difference. On our campaign website you will be able to find all One Billion Rising events in your area and join the ones that interest you.

Rise up to stop our friends and daughters from the horrible fates like the infographic below!!

                                   Source: alexaparicio.webfactional.com via Human Trafficking Abolitionist Group on Pinterest

Today is the Day to ASK

How You Can Help

Join thousands of parents and community organizations nationwide who are helping to share the lifesaving message of the ASK campaign!
Stay informed about program news and updates by emailing ask@cpyv.org with your first and last name, city, state, and email address.
“Like” CPYV’s Facebook page, Arm Yourself with Knowledge to stay current on information to keep your family safe.
Promote the ASK campaign in your community by circulating ASK public service announcements through community groups and local media outlets.
Distribute ASK brochures in both English and Spanish to parents through schools, children/family agencies, pediatricians’ offices and health clinics. Email ask@cpyv.org to place an order.
Link your website to www.AskingSavesKids.org by requesting ASK link art.
Download the ASK Community Guide 2012 for more information and the ASK order form. Or contact us directly to order brochures, posters and other materials.

Telling Amy's Story of Domestic Violence

Share Amy’s Story

By sharing the film and web site with others, you are taking a step towards raising awareness and preventing domestic violence.

We are connected to many people even beyond our family and close friends. Share Amy’s story with your email list, your human resources representative, your church congregation, your hairdresser, your hunting buddies, your doctor, or the parents at your play dates and schools.
How do you share this important info? Go to the website posted and get ideas for facebook and Twitter posts, and the link to YouTube for the embed code to the videos
http://telling.psu.edu/share/index.html
 Did you know that about ¼ of all women in the U.S. report that they have experienced domestic violence? Support the fight to end domestic violence! Watch Telling Amy’s Story and share the film and web site with others. http://www.telling.psu.edu/

                 

•  
•  
• Please retweet to increase awareness against domestic violence. Share Amy’s Story! #tellingamy  http://bit.ly/9dI4MY
• Retweet if you are against domestic violence. Share, Discuss and Refer! Share Amy’s story! #tellingamy  http://bit.ly/9dI4MY
• Join Telling Amy’s Story FB page to get updates, news and information and to help fight domestic violence #tellingamy  http://bit.ly/bVaGY0
• We are proud partners of the Telling Amy’s Story project. Share the film and web site with others. http://bit.ly/bRDqiy 

• Did you know that about ¼ of all women in the U.S. report that they have experienced domestic violence? Support the fight to end domestic violence! Watch Telling Amy’s Story and share the film and web site with others. http://www.telling.psu.edu/
• Have you heard Amy’s story? Learn more about Telling Amy’s Story, a documentary that follows the timeline of a domestic violence homicide. Hosted by actress and advocate Mariska Hargitay. Play the trailer at: http://www.telling.psu.edu/
• Take a step towards raising awareness and preventing domestic violence! Support Telling Amy’s Story at http://www.facebook.com/tellingamysstory
• Domestic Violence it’s not ok! Copy and paste this to your wall to help raise awareness of domestic violence. http://www.facebook.com/tellingamysstory
• [YOUR ORGANIZATION NAME HERE] is proud to be a partner of the Telling Amy's Story - Raising Awareness of Domestic Violence project! Check out http://www.facebook.com/tellingamysstory and get updates on the film's broadcast schedule at http://www.telling.psu.edu/ 

      
Facebook Users:
From your profile, Attach » Link and copy/paste the following url: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pt0qoqFV6g
Bloggers:
Visit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pt0qoqFV6g and select ‹embed› for embed code.

 Referrals:

You should enlist the assistance of a professional advocate to connect with domestic violence services or to explore other ways that you can help in the fight to end domestic violence.

Domestic violence advocates are trained to help you in a way that is best for your situation. Advocates can help you make safety plans, negotiate law enforcement issues, arrange for shelter, contact local resources, and set up counseling.
Advocates can also help you find volunteer opportunities or initiatives that help support victims of domestic violence.
National numbers and hotlines

National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH)

www.ndvh.org
NDVH 24-hour Hotline: 800-799-7233

National Domestic Violence Hotline advocates are available for victims and anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety planning, and information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico, and the U.S. Virgin Islands.

Centre County Women’s Resource Center (CCWRC)

www.ccwrc.org

The Centre County Women’s Resource Center (CCWRC) provides free and confidential services for people who have experienced domestic abuse, sexual violence, and stalking. Counselor/advocates are available to help 24 hours a day.

The National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV)

www.nnedv.org
202-453-5566

Celebrating its 15th anniversary, the National Network to End Domestic Violence is a leading voice for domestic violence victims and their allies. NNEDV represents and provides resources to the 56 statewide and territorial coalitions against domestic violence, which serve nearly 2,000 local domestic violence programs across the country.

Joyful Heart Foundation

www.joyfulheartfoundation.org
New York 212-475-2026
Hawaii 808-331-8000

The mission of the Joyful Heart Foundation is to heal, educate, and empower survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence, and child abuse shed by shedding light into the darkness that surrounds these issues.

Casa de Esperanza

www.casadeesperanza.org
Administrative Office 651-646-5553

Casa de Esperanza is a Latina organization whose mission is to mobilize Latinas and Latino communities to end domestic violence.

Hopeline

aboutus.vzw.com/communityservice/hopeLine.html
Partnership Opportunities 908-559-7512

The Verizon Wireless HopeLine program collects used wireless phones, batteries, and accessories from any wireless service provider. These unused wireless phones are then distributed to victims of domestic violence to not only help them feel safer and less isolated, but also provide them with a way to call emergency or support services, employers, family, and friends.

Family Violence Prevention Fund

www.endabuse.org
415-252-8900

Everyone has the right to live free of violence. The Family Violence Prevention Fund works to prevent violence within the home, and in the community, to help those whose lives are devastated by violence.

Family Justice Center Alliance

www.familyjusticecenter.org
888-511-FJCA (3522)

The Family Justice Center Alliance aims to create a network of national and international Family Justice Centers and other models of co-located, multi-agency service centers for victims of family violence and their children with close working relationships, shared training and technical assistance, collaborative learning processes, and coordinated funding assistance.

Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence (CAEPV)

www.caepv.org
309-664-0667

The Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence is a national nonprofit organization dedicated to reducing the costs and consequences of partner violence at work—and eliminating it altogether. From policies and programs to legal issues and legislation, CAEPV is a credible source of information, materials, and advice.

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV)

www.ncadv.org
303-839-1852

The mission of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is to organize for collective power by advancing the transformative work and leadership of communities and individuals working to end domestic violence.

Dress for Success

www.dressforsuccess.org
212-684-9563

Dress for Success promoted economic independence for disadvantaged women by providing professional attire, a network of support, and career development tools to help women thrive in work and in life.

Joe Torre Safe at Home Foundation

www.joetorre.org
877-878-4JOE (toll-free)

The Joe Torre Safe at Home Foundation aims to educate children about violence so that children understand they are not alone and that there is hope.

A Call to Men

www.acalltomen.com
917-922-6738

A Call to Men challenges men to reconsider their long-held beliefs about women, in an effort to create a more just society. They achieve this by encouraging men to change their behaviors through re-education and training that promote healthy manhood.

Institute on Domestic Violence in the African American Community

www.idvaac.org/
1-877-NIDVAAC

The Institute on Domestic Violence in the African American Community (IDVAAC) is an organization focused on the unique circumstances of African Americans as they face issues related to domestic violence—including intimate partner violence, child abuse, elder maltreatment, and community violence. IDVAAC’s mission is to enhance society’s understanding of and ability to end violence in the African American community.

Please stay safe and make October your month of change!

                                                                                 

National Domestic Violence Hotline number!

I just had to add this video from the National Domestic Violence Hotline:

October is National Domestic Violence

Since October is National Domestic Violence Month I felt it extremely important to direct some serious attention to the matter of abuse, whether it be domestic, dating, elderly, or child abuse, it is all wrong and needs to stop. Partner violence is a complex mental game that is grueling for the victim to overcome. I state this from personal experience, I dealt with an abusive relationship as a young woman involved with a boyfriend that seemed to take his low self esteem out on me. He made me feel like it was always my fault, that I deserved the mental, verbal and physical abuse he would deal out each weekend we were dating. 
The terms "following the wrong crowd" was my demise as a teenager, drugs, alcohol and promiscuity was the normal for my friends daily. 
As a parent now of a son and 2 young daughters, my eyes will be ever open to the paths they take and the friends they choose. My teenage son and I have had several long discussions about my past and I have shamefully disclosed many of the stupid and careless acts that I did, the drugs that have taken many a brain cell, the alcohol abuse that many times left me unconscious and vulnerable to anyone, my teen pregnancy that could have been avoided and much more. I truly think that telling my kids the truth about  my mistakes may keep them from making the same ones. Now I know that they do have to make choices themselves as they get older, but at least I can give them the tools to work with. 
Now back to domestic violence: I found this awesome post and had to share it - Credit due to this website : http://www.downstate.edu/eap/october.html Please Please promise me that if you are being abused by someone close to you, seek out help, go to your nearest Emergency Department and tell the nurse(she will help you) call 911 and just put the phone down while on if you have to( if your abuser is in the room or house) somebody will show up and ask what is going on, they GIS system via your phone will tell the 911 dispatcher where you are.

If you have been abused once, IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN!!!  and next time he may very well kill you! This is nothing to play around with. As an ER nurse for many years I have seen this happen many times!!

AN ACT OF DOMESTIC ABUSE OCCURS EVERY 12 SECONDS IN THE U.S.

According to former Attorney General Janet Reno, “Too many American women live in fear of the very people upon whom they depend for love and affection. Instead of providing refuge, the walls of many homes serve as prison bars.”

WHAT IS DOMESTIC ABUSE?

Domestic abuse, or “battering”, is a pattern of abuse by one partner against the other, for the purpose of maintaining power and control. Domestic abuse often includes (but NOT ALWAYS) physical abuse. Forms of domestic abuse can include:

—	physical abuse
—	sexual abuse
—	verbal abuse
—	threats and intimidation
—	isolation or restriction from friends, family and other support systems
—	destruction of property
—	financial exploitation
—	jealousy and possessiveness
—	stalking or monitoring of behavior

Physical battering: The abuser’s attacks or aggressive behavior can range from bruising to murder. It often begins with what is excused as trivial contacts which escalate into more frequent and serious attacks (this can include the abuse of household pets).

Sexual abuse: Physical attack by the abuser is often accompanied by, or culminates in, sexual abuse where the woman is forced to have sexual intercourse with her abuser, or to engage in unwanted sexual activity.

Psychological battering: The abuser’s psychological or mental abuse can include constant verbal abuse, harassment, excessive possessiveness, fault-finding, isolating the woman from friends and family, deprivation of physical and economic resources, and destruction of personal property.

BATTERING ESCALATES. It often begins with behaviors like threats, name calling, abuse in your presence (such as punching a fist through a wall) and/or damage to objects or pets. It may escalate to restraining, pushing, kicking, slapping, pinching, tripping, biting, throwing, or grabbing. Finally, it may become life-threatening with serious behaviors such as choking, breaking bones, or the use of deadly weapons. (Remember, ANY household item can be used as a dangerous weapon!)



SOME FACTS ABOUT DOMESTIC ABUSE

	Adult domestic violence is one of the most serious public health and criminal justice issues facing women today. Most victims of domestic violence are women. Between 91-95% of all documented domestic violence cases are women being abused by male partners. About 1-2% is physical abuse of men by their female partners, and 3-8% of the total number of reported domestic violence cases involve same-sex relationship abuse.
	Every woman is at risk for becoming a victim of domestic violence. Domestic violence has no regard for socio-economic status, race, ethnicity, religion, employment status, physical ableness, age, education, marital status, or sexual orientation. In fact, being FEMALE is the only significant risk factor for being a victim of domestic violence.
	Batterers use emotional, psychological, economic and physical abuse as ways of controlling their victims. Abuse is NOT caused by stress, anger, or alcohol or other drug involvement. Many people find it difficult to understand why people batter their partners. This may be why, when we hear excuses like, “he had a bad day”, “she lost her temper”, or “he was drunk and out of control”, we often accept them as viable reasons why the attack occurred. But battering has more to do with the batterer’s attitudes, beliefs, and relationships to others than it has to do with these common excuses. Many men believe that they have the right to control their spouses, and to enforce their will on those around them, particularly females. Many men believe that it is the man’s duty to control his wife, regardless of the methods used. Some men even believe that women “need” to be “disciplined”. These beliefs and attitudes, coupled with society’s tolerance of domestic violence, makes it one of the most difficult problems for our society to overcome. Children in families where there is  domestic violence suffer negative consequences even if they are not the targets of the abuse

SOME MYTHS ABOUT DOMESTIC ABUSE

	MYTH: When someone is battered, he/she must have done something to deserve it. FACT: Battering is never the victim’s fault. NEVER. Batterers abuse their partners as a way to control them. Domestic violence is about control, not about punishment or discipline.
	MYTH: Battering usually ends after a couple gets married or has children. FACT: Battering usually gets WORSE over time, not better. Getting married and/or having children does not protect someone from becoming a victim. In fact, sometimes it makes the situation worse.
	MYTH: Alcohol and other drug use may cause battering. FACT: Most people who use alcohol or other drugs do not abuse their partners. And many people who never use alcohol or other drugs do abuse their partners. While it is true that perpetrators of domestic violence are sometimes under the influence of alcohol or other drugs when the episode occurs, battering and alcohol or other drug abuse are 2 separate problems – neither is caused by the other. Anyone who abuses another person while under the influence of alcohol or another drug needs help for BOTH problems.
	MYTH: If a woman wants to end the violence, she should just leave. If she doesn’t leave, it is because she either likes the abuse, or she doesn’t want to leave. FACT: Women may stay in abusive relationships due to fear, lack of resources or options, psychological damage, loss of self-esteem, depression, or other reasons. It is important to remember that LEAVING the relationship may also be dangerous – more women are killed by their partners AFTER they leave the relationship than at any other time. Women who stay in abusive relationships are not weak or stupid – they are SCARED.                                                                                          BARRIERS TO LEAVING A VIOLENT RELATIONSHIP Some reasons why women stay generally fall into three categories: Lack of resources — most women have at least one dependent child — many women are not employed outside of the home — many women have no property that is solely theirs — some women lack access to cash or bank accounts — women who leave fear being charged with desertion and losing their children or joint assets — a woman may face a decline in living standards for herself and her children Institutional responses — clergy and secular counselors are often trained to see only the goal of “saving” the marriage at all costs, rather than the goal of stopping the abuse — police officers often do not provide support to women; they sometimes treat domestic violence as a domestic “dispute” rather than a crime — police may try to discourage the abusee from pressing charges — prosecutors often are reluctant to prosecute cases, and judges rarely levy the maximum sentence upon convicted abusers — despite a restraining order, there is little to prevent a released abuser from returning and repeating the assault — despite increased public awareness of the problem of domestic violence, and the increase in available shelters, there are still not enough shelters to accommodate women and children and keep them safe from abusive persons Traditional beliefs and values — many women do not believe divorce is a viable alternative — many women believe that a single parent family is unacceptable and that even a violent father is better than no father at all — many women are socialized to believe that they are responsible for making heir marriage work; failure to maintain the marriage equals failure as a woman — many women become isolated from friends and family, either because of the possessiveness of the abuser, or because they want to hide their bruises and injuries from the outside world; this isolation contributes to the feeling that there is nowhere to turn — many women rationalize their abuser’s behavior by blaming alcohol or other drugs, anger, stress, unemployment, or other factors — many women are taught that their identity and worth come from getting and keeping a man — the abuser RARELY abuses all the time; during the non-violent periods he or she may fulfill all the needs of the partner and be a wonderful spouse; the victim believes that the abuser is basically a “good” person, and that she should hold onto a good man ARE YOU IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP? Look over the following questions. Think about how you are being treated and how you treat your partner. Remember, when one person scares, hurts, or continually puts down the other, it’s abuse. Does your partner… _____ Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family? _____ Put down your accomplishments or goals? _____ Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions? _____ Use intimidation of threats to gain compliance? _____ Tell you that you are nothing without them? _____ Treat you roughly – grab, push, pinch, shove, or hit you? _____ Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you are? _____ Use alcohol or other drugs as an excuse for saying or doing hurtful things to you? _____ Blame you for how they feel or act? _____ Pressure you sexually for things you aren’t ready for or don’t want to do? _____ Make you feel like there is “no way out” of the relationship? _____ Prevent you from doing things you want – like spending time with your friends and family? _____ Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight? Do you… _____ Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act? _____ Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner’s behavior? _____ Believe that you can help your partner change if you changed something about yourself? _____ Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry? _____ Feel like, no matter what you do, you partner is not happy with you? _____ Always do what your partner wants to do, instead of what you want to do? _____ Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what he/she will do if you broke up? If any of these are happening in your relationship, talk to someone. Without some help, the abuse will continue. GETTING HELP – WORKPLACE APPROACHES TO DEALING WITH DOMESTIC ABUSE What to do… If you are experiencing domestic violence: — You may need to notify your supervisor about the circumstances of your situation so that you can be safe in the workplace — Discuss options available to you, e.g. scheduling, safety precautions, employee/family assistance benefits — Get an order of protection if you are being physically abused — Submit a recent photo of the perpetrator to University Police/Public Safety so they may recognize the perpetrator if he/she enters the campus — Contact the EAP for confidential help and advice If you are the co-worker of someone experiencing domestic violence: — If you suspect a co-worker is suffering abuse, do NOT directly confront him/her since it is important for an individual to self-disclose, for his/her own safety, well-being, and privacy. — Express concern and a willingness to listen and be supportive, if needed. — Offer support and listening; when the individual is ready, they will confide. — Suggest that the individual contact the EAP for confidential help and advice, if there is a problem. — If you witness an incident at work, contact University Police/Public Safety immediately. Make sure the incident is documented. If you are the supervisor or manager of an employee who is experiencing domestic violence: — Be aware of unusual absences or behavior and take note of bruises or emotional distress. — Offer your support and listening; let the employee know that you are available should they decide to discuss the problem. — Suggest that the individual contact the EAP for confidential help and advice, if there is a problem. — DO NOT TRY TO DIAGNOSE OR HELP SOLVE THE PROBLEM. — If the employee has disclosed the situation to you, you may contact the EAP and/or human resources to discuss resources available, e.g. counseling, safety planning, flexible scheduling, time off, security measures, etc. — Assist the employee in documenting all incidents with the batterer which occur in the workplace. — Encourage the individual to seek help. — DO NOT DISCUSS THE SITUATION WITH ANYONE WITHOUT THE EMPLOYEE’S KNOWLEDGE AND PERMISSION. This is very important! — If the employee’s job performance is suffering as a result of a personal problem, use regular, administrative remedies to deal with those issues. Avoid “lumping” personal problems in with job performance issues. GETTING HELP – SAFETY PLANNING If you are still in the relationship: — Think of a safe place to go before an argument begins – avoid rooms with no exits (bathroom), or rooms with weapons (kitchen) — Think about and make a list of safe people to contact — Keep change with you at all times, or if possible, a cellular phone — Memorize all important phone numbers — Establish a code word or sign to alert neighbors, friends, family that you are in trouble (e.g. turning a light on or off) so they can call for help — Think about what you will say to your abuser if he/she becomes violent — Remember- you have the right to live without violence — Keep a bag packed with enough clothes for 2-3 days for yourself and your children, copies of important papers (see below), enough medication for 2-3 days (if you or your children need daily medications), account numbers, etc. (see list below) If you have left the relationship: — Change your phone number — Screen calls — Save and document all contacts, messages, injuries, or other incidents involving the batterer — Change locks if the batterer has a key — Avoid staying alone — Plan how to get away if confronted by your abuser — If you have to meet your partner, do so in a public place — Vary your routine Notify school and work contacts Call a shelter for battered women (if necessary) Do NOT go to a place where your abuser may likely find you (e.g. your mother’s home). This will put you AND the other person at risk. If you leave the relationship or are thinking of leaving, you should take important papers and documents with you to enable you to apply for benefits or take legal action. Important papers you should take include: 1. Social Security cards 2. Birth certificates for yourself and your children 3. Your marriage license 4. Leases or deeds to property 5. Your checkbook 6. Your charge cards 7. Bank statements 8. Charge account statements 9. Insurance policies 10. Proof of income, W2’s etc. 11. Immigration/citizenship papers for yourself and your children 12. Documentation of past abuses – photos, police reports, hospital/medical records, etc. REFERENCES NYS Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence, “Domestic Violence: Finding Safety and Support”, 1997 D.L. Fontes, Psy.D., “The Hidden Side of Spousal Abuse”, Employee Assistance Report, April 1999 Janet Reno, “Facing the Problem of Domestic Violence”, The Counselor, Nov-Dec 1998 ONLINE RESOURCES National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (www.ncadv.org) AOL Keyword “domestic violence” gives you thousands of references and resources for help with this problem Google search will also give you thousands of references