Welcome to my blog about health, nursing, caring, kindness and positive change. Our world is full of such negative influences and bad choices, today is the day to make a positive change both physically and mentally in your life.
ERNursesCare is a blog incorporating my nearly 30 years of experience in the healthcare field with my passion for helping others, I want it to encourage others with injury prevention, healthy living, hard hitting choices, hot topics and various ramblings from my unique sense of humor. Come along and enjoy your journey......
Halloween
is one of the most anticipated nights of the year for children, but our
first-of-its kind Halloween report shows some scary statistics!
Please take time to read this report, it is shocking what Halloween dangers are out there, keep your kids safe please!!
http://www.safekids.org/our-work/research/reports/halloween-research-report.pdf
Top tips to keep your kids safe on Halloween from Safe Kids USA
For parents and children:
Children under 12 should trick-or-treat and cross streets with an adult.
Always walk on sidewalks or paths. If there are no sidewalks, walk facing traffic as far to the left as possible.
Cross the street at corners, using traffic signals and crosswalks.
Parents should remind children to watch for cars that are turning or
backing up.
Look left, right and left again when crossing and keep looking as you cross. Walk, don't run, across the street.
For drivers:
Slow down and be especially alert in residential neighborhoods.
Children are excited on Halloween and may move in unpredictable ways.
Anticipate heavy pedestrian traffic and turn your headlights on
earlier in the day so you can spot children from greater distances.
Remember that costumes can limit children's visibility and they may not be able to see your vehicle.
Reduce any distractions inside your car so you can concentrate on the road and your surroundings.
Costumes and Treats
Decorate costumes and bags with reflective tape or stickers and choose light colored costumes to improve visibility.
Choose face paint and make-up instead of masks, which can obstruct a
child's vision. Look for non-toxic designations when choosing Halloween
makeup.
Avoid carrying sticks, swords, or other sharp objects.
Have kids carry glow sticks or flashlights in order to see better, as well as to be seen by drivers.
Liquid in glow sticks is hazardous, so parents should remind children not to chew on or break them.
Check treats for signs of tampering before children are allowed to
eat them. Candy should be thrown away if the wrapper is faded or torn,
or if the candy is unwrapped.
By sharing the film and web site with others, you are taking a step towards raising awareness and preventing domestic violence.
We are connected to many people even beyond our family and close
friends. Share Amy’s story with your email list, your human resources
representative, your church congregation, your hairdresser, your hunting
buddies, your doctor, or the parents at your play dates and schools.
How do you share this important info? Go to the website posted and get ideas for facebook and Twitter posts, and the link to YouTube for the embed code to the videos
http://telling.psu.edu/share/index.html
Did you know that about ¼ of all women in the U.S. report that they have
experienced domestic violence? Support the fight to end domestic
violence! Watch Telling Amy’s Story and share the film and web site with
others. http://www.telling.psu.edu/
Please retweet to increase awareness against domestic violence. Share Amy’s Story! #tellingamy http://bit.ly/9dI4MY
Retweet if you are against domestic violence. Share, Discuss and Refer! Share Amy’s story! #tellingamy http://bit.ly/9dI4MY
Join Telling Amy’s Story FB page to get updates, news and
information and to help fight domestic violence #tellingamy
http://bit.ly/bVaGY0
We are proud partners of the Telling Amy’s Story project. Share the film and web site with others. http://bit.ly/bRDqiy
Did you know that about ¼ of all women in the U.S. report that
they have experienced domestic violence? Support the fight to end
domestic violence! Watch Telling Amy’s Story and share the film and web
site with others. http://www.telling.psu.edu/
Have you heard Amy’s story? Learn more about Telling Amy’s Story, a
documentary that follows the timeline of a domestic violence homicide.
Hosted by actress and advocate Mariska Hargitay. Play the trailer at:
http://www.telling.psu.edu/
Take a step towards raising awareness and preventing domestic
violence! Support Telling Amy’s Story at
http://www.facebook.com/tellingamysstory
Domestic Violence it’s not ok! Copy and paste this to your wall to
help raise awareness of domestic violence.
http://www.facebook.com/tellingamysstory
[YOUR ORGANIZATION NAME HERE] is proud to be a partner of the
Telling Amy's Story - Raising Awareness of Domestic Violence project!
Check out http://www.facebook.com/tellingamysstory and get updates on
the film's broadcast schedule at http://www.telling.psu.edu/
Facebook Users: From your profile, Attach » Link and copy/paste the following url: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pt0qoqFV6g Bloggers: Visit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pt0qoqFV6g and select ‹embed› for embed code.
Referrals:
You should enlist the assistance of a
professional advocate to connect with domestic violence services or to
explore other ways that you can help in the fight to end domestic
violence.
Domestic violence advocates are trained to help you in a way that
is best for your situation. Advocates can help you make safety plans,
negotiate law enforcement issues, arrange for shelter, contact local
resources, and set up counseling.
Advocates can also help you find volunteer opportunities or initiatives that help support victims of domestic violence. National numbers and hotlines
National
Domestic Violence Hotline advocates are available for victims and
anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety
planning, and information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states,
Puerto Rico, and the U.S. Virgin Islands.
The Centre County Women’s Resource Center (CCWRC) provides free and
confidential services for people who have experienced domestic abuse,
sexual violence, and stalking. Counselor/advocates are available to help
24 hours a day.
The National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV)
Celebrating its 15th anniversary, the National Network to End Domestic
Violence is a leading voice for domestic violence victims and their
allies. NNEDV represents and provides resources to the 56 statewide and
territorial coalitions against domestic violence, which serve nearly
2,000 local domestic violence programs across the country.
The mission of the Joyful Heart Foundation is to heal, educate, and
empower survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence, and child abuse
shed by shedding light into the darkness that surrounds these issues.
The
Verizon Wireless HopeLine program collects used wireless phones,
batteries, and accessories from any wireless service provider. These
unused wireless phones are then distributed to victims of domestic
violence to not only help them
feel safer and less isolated, but also provide them with a way to call
emergency or support services, employers, family, and friends.
Everyone has the right to live free of violence. The Family Violence
Prevention Fund works to prevent violence within the home, and in the
community, to help those whose lives are devastated by violence.
The Family Justice Center Alliance aims to create a network of national
and international Family Justice Centers and other models of co-located,
multi-agency service centers for victims of family violence and their
children with close working relationships, shared training and technical
assistance, collaborative learning processes, and coordinated funding
assistance.
Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence (CAEPV)
The Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence is a national nonprofit
organization dedicated to reducing the costs and consequences of partner
violence at work—and eliminating it altogether. From policies and
programs to legal issues and legislation, CAEPV is a credible source of
information, materials, and advice.
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV)
The mission of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is to
organize for collective power by advancing the transformative work and
leadership of communities and individuals working to end domestic
violence.
Dress
for Success promoted economic independence for disadvantaged women by
providing professional attire, a network of support, and career
development tools to help women thrive in work and in life.
A Call to Men challenges men to reconsider their long-held beliefs about
women, in an effort to create a more just society. They achieve this by
encouraging men to change their behaviors through re-education and
training that promote healthy manhood.
Institute on Domestic Violence in the African American Community
The
Institute on Domestic Violence in the African American Community
(IDVAAC) is an organization focused on the unique circumstances of
African Americans as they face issues related to domestic
violence—including intimate partner violence, child abuse, elder
maltreatment, and community violence. IDVAAC’s mission is to enhance
society’s understanding of and ability to end violence in the African
American community.
Please stay safe and make October your month of change!
Since October is National Domestic Violence Month I felt it extremely important to direct some serious attention to the matter of abuse, whether it be domestic, dating, elderly, or child abuse, it is all wrong and needs to stop. Partner violence is a complex mental game that is grueling for the victim to overcome. I state this from personal experience, I dealt with an abusive relationship as a young woman involved with a boyfriend that seemed to take his low self esteem out on me. He made me feel like it was always my fault, that I deserved the mental, verbal and physical abuse he would deal out each weekend we were dating. The terms "following the wrong crowd" was my demise as a teenager, drugs, alcohol and promiscuity was the normal for my friends daily. As a parent now of a son and 2 young daughters, my eyes will be ever open to the paths they take and the friends they choose. My teenage son and I have had several long discussions about my past and I have shamefully disclosed many of the stupid and careless acts that I did, the drugs that have taken many a brain cell, the alcohol abuse that many times left me unconscious and vulnerable to anyone, my teen pregnancy that could have been avoided and much more. I truly think that telling my kids the truth about my mistakes may keep them from making the same ones. Now I know that they do have to make choices themselves as they get older, but at least I can give them the tools to work with.
Now back to domestic violence: I found this awesome post and had to share it - Credit due to this website : http://www.downstate.edu/eap/october.htmlPlease Please promise me that if you are being abused by someone close to you, seek out help, go to your nearest Emergency Department and tell the nurse(she will help you) call 911 and just put the phone down while on if you have to( if your abuser is in the room or house) somebody will show up and ask what is going on, they GIS system via your phone will tell the 911 dispatcher where you are.
If you have been abused once, IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN!!! and next time he may very well kill you! This is nothing to play around with. As an ER nurse for many years I have seen this happen many times!!
AN ACT OF DOMESTIC ABUSE OCCURS EVERY 12 SECONDS IN THE U.S.
According to former Attorney General Janet Reno, “Too many American
women live in fear of the very people upon whom they depend for love and
affection. Instead of providing refuge, the walls of many homes serve
as prison bars.”
WHAT IS DOMESTIC ABUSE?
Domestic abuse, or “battering”, is a pattern of abuse by one partner
against the other, for the purpose of maintaining power and control.
Domestic abuse often includes (but NOT ALWAYS) physical abuse. Forms of
domestic abuse can include:
—
physical abuse
—
sexual abuse
—
verbal abuse
—
threats and intimidation
—
isolation or restriction from friends, family and other support systems
—
destruction of property
—
financial exploitation
—
jealousy and possessiveness
—
stalking or monitoring of behavior
Physical battering: The abuser’s attacks or aggressive behavior
can range from bruising to murder. It often begins with what is excused
as trivial contacts which escalate into more frequent and serious
attacks (this can include the abuse of household pets).
Sexual abuse: Physical attack by the abuser is often accompanied
by, or culminates in, sexual abuse where the woman is forced to have
sexual intercourse with her abuser, or to engage in unwanted sexual
activity.
Psychological battering: The abuser’s psychological or mental
abuse can include constant verbal abuse, harassment, excessive
possessiveness, fault-finding, isolating the woman from friends and
family, deprivation of physical and economic resources, and destruction
of personal property.
BATTERING ESCALATES. It often begins with behaviors like threats,
name calling, abuse in your presence (such as punching a fist through a
wall) and/or damage to objects or pets. It may escalate to restraining,
pushing, kicking, slapping, pinching, tripping, biting, throwing, or
grabbing. Finally, it may become life-threatening with serious behaviors
such as choking, breaking bones, or the use of deadly weapons.
(Remember, ANY household item can be used as a dangerous weapon!)
SOME FACTS ABOUT DOMESTIC ABUSE
Adult domestic violence is one of the most serious public health and criminal justice issues facing women today. Most victims of domestic violence are women.
Between 91-95% of all documented domestic violence cases are women
being abused by male partners. About 1-2% is physical abuse of men by
their female partners, and 3-8% of the total number of reported domestic
violence cases involve same-sex relationship abuse.
Every woman is at risk for becoming a victim of domestic violence.
Domestic violence has no regard for socio-economic status, race,
ethnicity, religion, employment status, physical ableness, age,
education, marital status, or sexual orientation. In fact, being FEMALE
is the only significant risk factor for being a victim of domestic
violence.
Batterers use emotional, psychological, economic and physical abuse as ways of controlling their victims. Abuse is NOT caused by stress, anger, or alcohol or other drug involvement.
Many people find it difficult to understand why people batter their
partners. This may be why, when we hear excuses like, “he had a bad
day”, “she lost her temper”, or “he was drunk and out of control”, we
often accept them as viable reasons why the attack occurred. But
battering has more to do with the batterer’s attitudes, beliefs, and
relationships to others than it has to do with these common excuses.
Many men believe that they have the right to control their spouses, and
to enforce their will on those around them, particularly females. Many
men believe that it is the man’s duty to control his wife, regardless of
the methods used. Some men even believe that women “need” to be
“disciplined”. These beliefs and attitudes, coupled with society’s
tolerance of domestic violence, makes it one of the most difficult
problems for our society to overcome.
Children in families where there is domestic violence suffer negative consequences even if they are not the targets of the abuse
SOME MYTHS ABOUT DOMESTIC ABUSE
MYTH: When someone is battered, he/she must have done something to deserve it. FACT: Battering is never the victim’s fault. NEVER. Batterers abuse their partners as a way to control them. Domestic violence is about control, not about punishment or discipline.
MYTH: Battering usually ends after a couple gets married or has children. FACT: Battering usually gets WORSE over time, not better. Getting
married and/or having children does not protect someone from becoming a
victim. In fact, sometimes it makes the situation worse.
MYTH: Alcohol and other drug use may cause battering. FACT: Most people who use alcohol or other drugs do not abuse
their partners. And many people who never use alcohol or other drugs do
abuse their partners. While it is true that perpetrators of domestic
violence are sometimes under the influence of alcohol or other drugs
when the episode occurs, battering and alcohol or other drug abuse are 2 separate problems – neither is caused by the other. Anyone who abuses another person while under the influence of alcohol or another drug needs help for BOTH problems.
MYTH: If a
woman wants to end the violence, she should just leave. If she doesn’t
leave, it is because she either likes the abuse, or she doesn’t want to
leave. FACT: Women may stay in abusive relationships due to fear, lack
of resources or options, psychological damage, loss of self-esteem,
depression, or other reasons. It is important to remember that LEAVING
the relationship may also be dangerous – more women are killed by their
partners AFTER they leave the relationship than at any other time. Women who stay in abusive relationships are not weak or stupid – they are SCARED. BARRIERS TO LEAVING A VIOLENT RELATIONSHIP Some reasons why women stay generally fall into three categories:
Lack of resources
—
most women have at least one dependent child
—
many women are not employed outside of the home
—
many women have no property that is solely theirs
—
some women lack access to cash or bank accounts
—
women who leave fear being charged with desertion and losing their children or joint assets
—
a woman may face a decline in living standards for herself and her children
Institutional responses
—
clergy
and secular counselors are often trained to see only the goal of
“saving” the marriage at all costs, rather than the goal of stopping the
abuse
—
police
officers often do not provide support to women; they sometimes treat
domestic violence as a domestic “dispute” rather than a crime
—
police may try to discourage the abusee from pressing charges
—
prosecutors often are reluctant to prosecute cases, and judges rarely levy the maximum sentence upon convicted abusers
—
despite a restraining order, there is little to prevent a released abuser from returning and repeating the assault
—
despite
increased public awareness of the problem of domestic violence, and the
increase in available shelters, there are still not enough shelters to
accommodate women and children and keep them safe from abusive persons
Traditional beliefs and values
—
many women do not believe divorce is a viable alternative
—
many women believe that a single parent family is unacceptable and that even a violent father is better than no father at all
—
many women
are socialized to believe that they are responsible for making heir
marriage work; failure to maintain the marriage equals failure as a
woman
—
many women
become isolated from friends and family, either because of the
possessiveness of the abuser, or because they want to hide their bruises
and injuries from the outside world; this isolation contributes to the
feeling that there is nowhere to turn
—
many women rationalize their abuser’s behavior by blaming alcohol or other drugs, anger, stress, unemployment, or other factors
—
many women are taught that their identity and worth come from getting and keeping a man
—
the abuser
RARELY abuses all the time; during the non-violent periods he or she may
fulfill all the needs of the partner and be a wonderful spouse; the
victim believes that the abuser is basically a “good” person, and that
she should hold onto a good man
ARE YOU IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP? Look over the following questions. Think about how you are being
treated and how you treat your partner. Remember, when one person
scares, hurts, or continually puts down the other, it’s abuse.
Does your partner…
_____
Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family?
_____
Put down your accomplishments or goals?
_____
Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?
_____
Use intimidation of threats to gain compliance?
_____
Tell you that you are nothing without them?
_____
Treat you roughly – grab, push, pinch, shove, or hit you?
_____
Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you are?
_____
Use alcohol or other drugs as an excuse for saying or doing hurtful things to you?
_____
Blame you for how they feel or act?
_____
Pressure you sexually for things you aren’t ready for or don’t want to do?
_____
Make you feel like there is “no way out” of the relationship?
_____
Prevent you from doing things you want – like spending time with your friends and family?
_____
Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight?
Do you…
_____
Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act?
_____
Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner’s behavior?
_____
Believe that you can help your partner change if you changed something about yourself?
_____
Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?
_____
Feel like, no matter what you do, you partner is not happy with you?
_____
Always do what your partner wants to do, instead of what you want to do?
_____
Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what he/she will do if you broke up?
If any of these are happening in your relationship, talk to someone. Without some help, the abuse will continue.
GETTING HELP – WORKPLACE APPROACHES TO DEALING WITH DOMESTIC ABUSE
What to do…
If you are experiencing domestic violence:
—
You may need to notify your supervisor about the circumstances of your situation so that you can be safe in the workplace
—
Discuss options available to you, e.g. scheduling, safety precautions, employee/family assistance benefits
—
Get an order of protection if you are being physically abused
—
Submit a recent photo of the
perpetrator to University Police/Public Safety so they may recognize the
perpetrator if he/she enters the campus
—
Contact the EAP for confidential help and advice
If you are the co-worker of someone experiencing domestic violence:
—
If you suspect a
co-worker is suffering abuse, do NOT directly confront him/her since it
is important for an individual to self-disclose, for his/her own safety,
well-being, and privacy.
—
Express concern and a willingness to listen and be supportive, if needed.
—
Offer support and listening; when the individual is ready, they will confide.
—
Suggest that the individual contact the EAP for confidential help and advice, if there is a problem.
—
If you witness an incident at work, contact University Police/Public Safety immediately. Make sure the incident is documented.
If you are the supervisor or manager of an employee who is experiencing domestic violence:
—
Be aware of unusual absences or behavior and take note of bruises or emotional distress.
—
Offer your support and listening; let the employee know that you are available should they decide to discuss the problem.
—
Suggest that the individual contact the EAP for confidential help and advice, if there is a problem.
—
DO NOT TRY TO DIAGNOSE OR HELP SOLVE THE PROBLEM.
—
If the employee has disclosed the situation to you,
you may contact the EAP and/or human resources to discuss resources
available, e.g. counseling, safety planning, flexible scheduling, time
off, security measures, etc.
—
Assist the employee in documenting all incidents with the batterer which occur in the workplace.
—
Encourage the individual to seek help.
—
DO NOT DISCUSS THE SITUATION WITH ANYONE WITHOUT THE EMPLOYEE’S KNOWLEDGE AND PERMISSION. This is very important!
—
If the employee’s job
performance is suffering as a result of a personal problem, use regular,
administrative remedies to deal with those issues. Avoid “lumping”
personal problems in with job performance issues.
GETTING HELP – SAFETY PLANNING
If you are still in the relationship:
—
Think of a safe place to go before an argument begins – avoid rooms with no exits (bathroom), or rooms with weapons (kitchen)
—
Think about and make a list of safe people to contact
—
Keep change with you at all times, or if possible, a cellular phone
—
Memorize all important phone numbers
—
Establish a code word or sign
to alert neighbors, friends, family that you are in trouble (e.g.
turning a light on or off) so they can call for help
—
Think about what you will say to your abuser if he/she becomes violent
—
Remember- you have the right to live without violence
—
Keep a bag packed with enough
clothes for 2-3 days for yourself and your children, copies of important
papers (see below), enough medication for 2-3 days (if you or your
children need daily medications), account numbers, etc. (see list below)
If you have left the relationship:
—
Change your phone number
—
Screen calls
—
Save and document all contacts, messages, injuries, or other incidents involving the batterer
—
Change locks if the batterer has a key
—
Avoid staying alone
—
Plan how to get away if confronted by your abuser
—
If you have to meet your partner, do so in a public place
—
Vary your routine
Notify school and work contacts
Call a shelter for battered women (if necessary)
Do NOT go to a place where
your abuser may likely find you (e.g. your mother’s home). This will put
you AND the other person at risk.
If you leave the relationship or are thinking of leaving, you should
take important papers and documents with you to enable you to apply for
benefits or take legal action. Important papers you should take include:
1.
Social Security cards
2.
Birth certificates for yourself and your children
3.
Your marriage license
4.
Leases or deeds to property
5.
Your checkbook
6.
Your charge cards
7.
Bank statements
8.
Charge account statements
9.
Insurance policies
10.
Proof of income, W2’s etc.
11.
Immigration/citizenship papers for yourself and your children
12.
Documentation of past abuses – photos, police reports, hospital/medical records, etc.
REFERENCES
NYS Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence, “Domestic Violence: Finding Safety and Support”, 1997
D.L. Fontes, Psy.D., “The Hidden Side of Spousal Abuse”, Employee Assistance Report, April 1999
Janet Reno, “Facing the Problem of Domestic Violence”, The Counselor, Nov-Dec 1998 ONLINE RESOURCES
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (www.ncadv.org)
AOL Keyword “domestic violence” gives you thousands of references and resources for help with this problem Google search will also give you thousands of references
Do you ever feel like this? have a bad day? depression got you down so low that you almost can't pull yourself back out of that hole? Just think about this squirrel and smile, we are all nuts in this crazy world called life! Nothing worth dying over, believe me I have been there and have the T-shirt for it. You are a person of worth, and even if you think your world is over, you are special to many people..... remember, even me.
The
Institute on Domestic Violence in the African American Community
(IDVAAC) is an organization focused on the unique circumstances of
African Americans as they face issues related to domestic
violence—including intimate partner violence, child abuse, elder
maltreatment, and community violence. IDVAAC’s mission is to enhance
society’s understanding of and ability to end violence in the African
American community.
